how to register one's car in st. louis

11:00am: Leave apartment to pick up new friend L., who also needs to register her car. 11:10am: Arrive on L.'s street, can't remember which apartment building is hers and fear that I will have to buzz Apt. 104 in ALL SIX BUILDINGS that look EXACTLY alike. I simultaneously remember which building is hers and realize that there are no parking spaces. 11:14am: Having driven around the block and found a parking space, I buzz L. and we're all set to go. L. loves my car; apparently she drove the exact same one a few years ago but had to give it to her brother at some point and misses it to this day. 11:30am: Drive past the street the DMV is on. Curse and take the next street, thinking we can just go around the block. 11:33am: Realize "around the block" is not an option, due to mazelike neighborhood. 11:40am: Escape mazelike neighborhood, onto wrong street. 11:46am: Find right street, find DMV, find that there are no parking spots outside the DMV, drive halfway down the next block and find a parking spot. There, that wasn't so hard, was it? 11:51am: Enter DMV and join license line. 11:53am: Gawk at employee and woman who are arguing about whether or not her car is owned by a corporation and both completely at a loss as to why said car has the wrong license plates on it. 11:56am: Debate with L. the merits of the Missouri vanity plates such as "St. Louis Zoo", "St. Louis Arch", "Girl Scouts of America", "Nature", "Mizzou". Decide they are not worth the effort or the $40. 12:05pm: With only one person still in front of us, I check my wallet for a second form of identification and realize that I have left my old license in my coat, in my car. Run back to car to get license. 12:12pm: Get back to DMV with license; find there are now 4 people in line in front of me. L. is all done and waiting for her license to pop out of the printer. 12:30pm: Between vision tests and signing forms, gawk at different woman who is mad at same employee because she apparently has the wrong forms and he won't tell her what forms she needs. Woman: "I don't understand why you're being so rude to me!?" Me: (thinking) "Because he works at the DMV, duh." 12:34pm: Register to vote. 12:45pm: Am handed my smoking hot driver's license. I rue the fact that the picture is nowhere near as cute as the one on my old license. 12:46pm: Ask L. if she has her vehicle registration so we can go pick up the tax exemption forms. L. does not have her registration, as I had forgotten to tell her to bring it. We decide to get emissions and safety inspections instead. 12:55pm: Get back to L.'s apartment and find phone company people blocking her driveway. Wait for them to move, then head to emissions station. L. follows me, as I think I have some idea where we're going. This assumption will be proved wrong. 1:16pm: Drive past the road that I think leads to the emissions station. Curse. 1:18pm: Turn around in a parking lot. 1:19pm: Drive past the road (again), curse, and pull into taco bell parking lot. Amazingly I haven't lost L. 1:21pm: Let L. lead. She turns down the correct road, but then drives past the industrial park where we think the station is located. We turn around in driveways, enter the industrial park, cannot find the station anywhere, and finally resort to asking some lady (thanks, random lady) where to go. She gives us accurate directions. 1:26pm: Arrive at emissions station. Feel like we've achieved a major goal. 1:30pm: Join a line, wait 10 minutes, feel very thankful that my car has an emissions computer and does not have to take part in the procedure where it is put on a TREADMILL with the exhaust hooked up to a big suction device. 1:50pm: Pass emissions test! 10 minutes later, L. passes too. We're pretty happy about this, because failure requires lots of (expensive) emissions-type repairs before you can retake the test. 2:00pm: Head back to garage near my apartment for the safety inspection. 2:20pm: Are informed by garage guy that we have to make an appointment for them to do such strenuous safety inspection tasks as checking headlights and brakes. Think bitter thoughts but agree to appointment. So now, I merely have to have the safety inspection, pick up a tax exemption form, obtain Missouri car insurance and proof thereof, find my title, and go pick up new plates. Piece of cake.